Raya's coming!

This Raya is going to be so different. Somehow, I kept thinking of the Raya before last year. In 2004, Dad was sick. But not as sick as the last year. So were still able to go out and celebrate. At that time, I was still staying with mom and dad. It was the most fulfilling Raya ever. There were also many visitors. Me, mom and sis were so enthusiastic about the preparations.

Then last year, we celebrated Raya at Tan Tock Seng. We brought in a radio for dad into his room so that he could hear the takbir raya. I didn't know if he understood what was going on then. His diabetic condition was so bad then, that he seems so far away at times. all we could do was to hold his hand.

I remember that all of us came to the hospital on the first day of Raya. It was my first Raya in my bew home, but I felt like I was barely there. Everything happened like a dream. My memories of that Raya was just a blur.

It was still Raya when Dad passed away. Although we were shocked, it was somewhat a relief too for he is no longer in pain. He used to cringe a lot when he was in ICU. Like it was too much pain to bear.

No wonder mom seems to dread this coming Raya. Actually I am too. But I'm trying my damndest not to. It's not fair to hubby, and I want Mom to have a good time.

It also felt a lot like my first Raya. In my pre-occupied state last year, a lot of things were done in a minimalist way. I hope I can make up for it this Raya.

Dad, you're in my prayers everyday. I miss u.