I Think of You

I dun understand why.. but I'm so tired this week. My previous injury on my left ankle is acting up and giving me problems every single night. My back hurts, most likely from trying to keep my limp from becoming too obvious. My neck feels stiff and my head aches...

I miss my dad. We weren't very close when he was alive. That's proably because he was so busy working while we were young, that we simply grew used to talking to my mum instead of him. I mean, yeah, there were holidays and all that. And of course I loved him, but ours just weren't talking types. But no matter how, there would always be this bond between a daughter and her father. And this bond would forever remain. Were there any regrets on my part? For sure, I regret all those times I walk past him without saying a word. The countless of times we chose to have separate meals although living under the same roof. All those times worry for him would creep inside me, and I'd pushed it aside...

It's funny how it takes his passing away to make the family closer. Nowadays, hardly a day goes by without me talking to mum although we stay in separate houses. Not seeing them for more than a week is too much for me to take. And everyone puts in effort to spend time with each other. Isn't it amazing? But it no longer feels the same. Without him.

My wedding day will forever stay in my mind. And its not just because I got married to the man I love. It was also the day I gave dad a hug. And another. The customary act of kissing your parent's hand before u leave for the groom's side was especially significant to me. I don't what made me hug him twice. I just felt so heavy leaving him especially. Nobody expected that to be the last time I hugged him ever... The things that came after that were so hectic. I didn't even hug him goodbye.

Thoughts of him keeps drifting to me these few days. It still feels unreal. I don't even dare to look over my many wedding albums. It's just too much.

How do you say goodbye to someone who's no longer there? How do you let go of someone so dear? How do I take each day knowing that I'll never see you again?

I think of you dad... always will.