Jun 2010

I am such a lousy blogger!! Not that I've got nothing to write, bt just that I'm too LAZY to write!!

This will be my last twenty-something birthday. Yet, ask me what I have achieved in all of my 29 years, and my answer would probably be a shrug.

Yes I'm a mom of two, but I don't feel I'm a good mom. Haryz turns 3 this July and I have yet to wean him off from my breast and he is no where close to being potty trained. He's not been enrolled in a school and I suck at disciplining him.

At 8 months, Khairul alrd knows that I am someone he can bully. I feed him to sleep although this is the very thing every books on parenting tell u to not do. And dun even ask me when I will move my kids out of the king size bed which all 4 of us are currently sharing.

As a wife, I admit that I wish can be better. I am too busy with work and kids that I can see hubby feeling abandoned. But I seriously don't know hw to cope when 24 hours is all I have in a day!

And as a daughter, I wish I can provide more for my mom, who never ever asked for more. She who is satisfied with all that God gives her and takes on all our nonsense... I really hope I could have done more.

I'm getting depressed... I'm stopping here for now.

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Today - 13 May 2010

We said goodbye today. It was painful. I am sure the scar that's left behind will be with me for sometime.

It was sad too that I was the last person to see u before the door which separates u to us was shut. That I had to be the bearer of bad news to all that matters. What will our lives be like tomorrow?

He stayed today... Bringing Naqib out for kite when the kiddo wouldn't stop crying. Then later to timezone to distract them.

And Fiqri had difficulty sleeping. Such that Mak gave him ur shirt from this morning to sleep. It worked for a while.

Seeing all this, I wondered about you. The memory of you breaking when you held Fiqri will be in my mind forever. Be strong love. We will all pray for you.

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Rants

Tired. Exhausted. Angry. Unhappy. Feeling crappy.

Indeed, money is the root of all evil.


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